An extremely weird thirteenth Doctor fic
by Flinch-Hayward
Summary: A ginger Doctor, Tom Baker's scarf being cut in half, and a mysterious criminal damaging the wiring of the TARDIS? What's going on? What kind of heinous criminal is the Doctor dealing with? Erm, Jack the Ripper? I think not, in seventies Scotland.
1. Chapter 1: The Scarf Villain

**I don't own Doctor Who. However, this representation of the thirteenth Doctor (in all his ginger-ness) is my own, as is his assistant, who I shall not name as yet. I like keeping people in suspense.**

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There was a small click before the lights blacked out. "I didn't know there was a light switch," a voice said in the darkness.

"There isn't," another replied.

There was a crash as the first voice attempted to reach the second, tripping over some unknown object in the process. "What happened, then? Engine failure?" she asked sardonically. There was a dull whumph as a heavy object was placed…somewhere. "How irritating. It's so dark I can't read the manual."

A small blue light appeared a few metres above the floor. Its beam flew across the room and rested on a girl of perhaps sixteen years of age. Her mousy hair was messy, as though it had avoided a hairbrush for several weeks. "We don't _have _a manual," the other voice pointed out from the darkness.

"You might not. I, however, do," the girl replied shortly, anxiously rifling through pages of the book. "Can you shine the screwdriver on the book rather than in my eyes? Thanks." There was a pause as she followed the words with her finger. "Ah, here we go." She glanced around. "Doctor? Are you in the hatch? I can't see you."

There was a muffled reply and a small clang as something metal fell. "Yes. I'm checking the wiring. It's a bit difficult without any light, though."

"Oh, sorry. I'm done reading now." The blue beam instantly disappeared from the book and illuminated a tangle of wires instead. "The manual says the red wire's probably come unclipped," the girl called down helpfully. When there was no answer, she peered towards the light, straining to see in the blackness. She couldn't see anything apart from the illuminated wiring. "Doctor?"

There was the ripping sound of duct tape being used, and another muffled reply from below the hatch. The lights flickered back on just in time for the girl to see the metal grate before it hit her in the face. There was a clunk. "O-ow," she stammered, clutching her face.

The Doctor pulled a face. "Ouch," he said sympathetically, wincing. "Sorry about that. Didn't realise you were so close."

"No, I'll…I'll be OK. J-just fine. Honestly," she added, upon seeing his expression. "So what happened down there?"

The Doctor ran his hand through his ginger hair and grimaced. "The red wire wasn't unclipped. It had been cut."

The girl's eyebrows shot upwards. "No! But…how?"

He shrugged. "Obviously, someone got in and did some damage with a pair of pliers or something. We'll have to stop here until I've checked her over. She might have had some other wires cut, or something more serious."

The girl frowned at him. "But, Doctor…if the wire was already cut, why did the lights only just go out? Surely they would have gone out as soon as it was cut?"

He ruffled her mousy hair. "Whoever cut it must have left it hanging by a thread. Very clever of them, as it means they could be anywhere. That makes them a lot harder to trace. No, what interests me is how they broke into the TARDIS." He chewed his lip thoughtfully.

"I thought you said it was impossible to break into the TARDIS?" She sounded afraid.

The Doctor nodded. "Impossible, or at least highly improbable. But where's your key, eh?"

The girl frantically searched her pockets. "It's gone! Oh, Doctor, I'm so sorry! I honestly was careful with it!"

The Doctor's lip twitched into a brief smile. "Don't worry. Well, do, but not because of that. We must be dealing with a fairly talented thief for him to sneak into the TARDIS without me knowing. It's not much of a surprise that he managed to pickpocket you when you consider that."

The girl was silent for a moment, still feeling guilty for losing the key. The TARDIS was damaged, and it was all her fault. The Doctor looked at her oddly. "What? Why are you staring at me?" she asked.

"I was waiting for you to pipe up with your usual array of silly suggestions as to who did it," he stated. "Come on, out with them."

She hadn't really given it much of a thought. "Erm, Jack the Ripper? What era are we in?"

The Doctor looked faintly embarrassed. "D'you know, I'm not quite sure? It was too dark to see which buttons I was pressing. Shall we go and check?" He grinned and linked arms with her, practically dragging her out of the TARDIS.

"Doctor!" she exclaimed, as she clung on to her hat for dear life. "I've dropped my scarf!"

"Yes, it is rather windy, isn't it? Must be in Scotland!" He turned round to pick up her scarf, and held it out to her. Suddenly, an idea struck him. "Hey, shall I wear my old scarf?"

"You have a--?" she started, before remembering the ridiculously long accessory hanging in his wardrobe. "No! You are not wearing that monstrosity!"

The Doctor was already running back towards the TARDIS. "Doctor! No! Don't you dare!" She followed him through the police box doors. "I shall refuse to be seen with you! I'll lock myself in the TARDIS and I shan't go with you! Doctor!" She pushed open the door in front of her and found the Doctor standing with his back to her, unmoving. "Doctor?" she ventured.

Slowly, he turned to face her, and she could see what he was clutching to his chest. "Oh, Doctor," she said sadly. "Your poor scarf."

The Doctor stared blankly at the two pieces of material before him for a while before he pulled himself together enough to choke out a few words. "They cut my scarf. THEY CUT MY SCARF IN HALF!"


	2. Chapter 2: A Strange Coincidence

**Sorry for leaving you on that sad, sad note. We shall all mourn the passing of the scarf. But fear not, it shall be repaired.**

**In the meantime, here's another chapter, this time with an evil cliffie. Bwahaha!!!**

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"It's ok…" his assistant comforted, tentatively patting him on the shoulder. It was rather difficult considering his height.

He gave a small hiccough. "They CUT my SCARF!" he told her incredulously. "What kind of evil villain are we dealing with here?"

The girl coughed. "Yes, Doctor. We know it was a heinous crime, but you can't just stand here forever. We have to find the culprit!" She stared at his miserable face. "Look, when we've found who did it, I'll sew the pieces back together while you check over the TARDIS. Ok?"

He looked at her, eyes shining with hope. "Really? You'd do that?"

She nodded. "I know how attached you were to it. And it's the least I can do, after all you've done for me." She smiled up at him. "Anyway, what's a repaired scarf between friends who've travelled the galaxy together?"

The Doctor grinned, and the duo, linking arms once more, strode out of the TARDIS and onto the street outside.

"Police!" an elderly man yelled, running towards what appeared to be an ordinary police call box. He stopped and leaned on his walking stick, struggling to catch his breath. "You have to help me! There's a man…down by Deans Avenue! He has a gun!"

The Doctor, who had previously been taking in the view, glanced down at the man. "Sorry, what did you say?"

The man looked at him desperately. "Aren't you police?"

"We're more investigators," the girl answered before the Doctor had a chance to reply.

"Hurry!" the man begged. "He has my granddaughter! Please hurry!" There was the sound of gunshots.

At once, the Doctor and his companion set off in the direction of the noise. It didn't take them long; the gunman was only two streets away.

"Get out of the way, woman!" he snarled angrily at the mother desperately trying to shield her daughter.

The Doctor saw the man raise his finger towards the trigger. "Police!" he shouted. "Don't shoot!"

Too late. The man's finger came down before the woman had a chance to react. The poor girl behind shut her eyes as the bullet shot out of the barrel of the gun and sped towards her. By the time she opened them again, the road was streaked with blood, and her mother was lying still in the middle of it.

The gunman ran past her to the end of the street. The old man, who had at last caught up with them, attempted to block his way. Mistake. The gunman still had a bullet left.

The girl couldn't even tear her eyes away this time. She saw her grandfather collapse in slow motion, hitting the road and crumpling. The Doctor heard his assistant swear violently. He bent down and whispered in her ear, "Don't say that. That word hasn't been invented yet."

"Sorry," she apologised. She looked over at the other girl. "Shouldn't we--?" The Doctor nodded.

The girl was staring, transfixed, at the end of the road. Her grandfather lay dead in the middle of the road. The gunman had taken his chance and run. A strange man in a brightly coloured jumper was making his way towards her. She noticed the label was sticking out at the back. Odd how you noticed little details like that after your family had just been killed. "I'm the Doctor," the man told her.

She nodded slowly to show she understood. "I…I take it there's nothing…" She trailed off, but he knew what she meant.

"I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do for them." She nodded. She had known that all along. He crouched down and looked up at her eyes. They were red and her face was blotchy, but she was managing to hold back the tears. "It's ok to cry, you know," he told her. "Were they your only family?"

"Yes. My father left some years ago. I lived with my mother. We just came to visit…to visit my grandfather." Her speech was interrupted by regular sniffs as she continued to restrain her tears.

The Doctor looked at her. "What's your name?" he asked kindly.

The girl looked up at him. "Susan."


	3. Chapter 3: Never call a nonSusan Susan

**Well, firstly, a thanks to all of my fans, new and old. In particular Joan Milligan for all her helpful advice. I'll be sure to put more description in from now on, and I'm changing the story summary. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**I realise it has an awful lot of dialogue, and a time-skip, but I'm hoping you'll be able to follow fairly easily. If you have any problems, tell me and I'll be sure to clear them up ASAP.**

The Doctor climbed back out of the hatch, shielding his eyes from the sudden change of lighting. "Nope. Nothing else wrong with her. Strange. If they wanted to cause damage, they could've cut the wire right next to the red one. Maybe they meant to. Either way, we should count ourselves lucky she's alright." When he was not interrupted, he looked up. His assistant was leaning on the central console, paying little or no attention to him. She appeared to be deep in thought. "What's up?" he asked her.

She looked at him. "Come on, Doctor. You bring a young, human girl from the seventies into the TARDIS, and she doesn't even question the fact that it's not a real police box, let alone that it's bigger on the inside. So you tell me what's up."

The Doctor just stood there, the label still poking out from his jumper, and shrugged. "She's in shock. Her family's just been killed. It's natural for her to not take in any of her surroundings."

"You don't think…you don't think it's your Susan, then?" she asked hesitantly.

The Doctor paused. "Why would it be? My Susan's gone forever. This one's human, acts different, looks different." He looked vaguely irritated, but his assistant kept on anyway.

"So? You look and act different after each regeneration. Is it not possible for something to go wrong with the process, and leave you with only one heart?" she asked, clutching at straws.

"No, it's not! She's not Susan. Just leave it!" The Doctor said, more anger in his voice than he would have liked.

"Fine," his assistant replied shortly. She disappeared into her room and came back out holding what appeared to be a photograph cut from a magazine. "Here," she said, handing it to him. "That message was scratched under a list of names of people who died in the Third Time War. 'You aren't alone.' If it isn't Susan, it's another Time Lord. But you aren't the last, Doctor."

"If there were others, I'd know. There aren't any left," he told her, getting more annoyed by the minute. "Photos are easily altered. It's probably a fake."

"And what if it wasn't?!" she cried. "Aren't you even going to consider it, Doctor? Don't you care about finding your people?!"

He glared at her. "Frankly, I'm not too bothered. I know there's no-one left. I just KNOW." He turned away from her and began pushing buttons on the console, attempting to recalibrate the antifluxsource delimiter, which had been malfunctioning for some time now.

She answered him in a small, meek voice so unlike her normal one. "But what if you're wrong?"

He turned to face her. "There's no-one, OK?! There's no-one left! Just let it go, Susan! There's nothing you can do! They're GONE! The entire planet's gone, and so are the rest of the Time Lords!" His voice suddenly shrank to a whisper. "Just let it go."

"Susan?" she said abruptly. "You just called me Susan." She looked up at him, her eyes blazing with anger and hurt. "And no, Doctor. I'm afraid I can't let it go. I can't let it go because I'm not Susan, and none of us replacements ever will be." With that, she stormed out of the TARDIS and ran down the street outside, as far away from the Doctor as her legs would carry her.


	4. Chapter 4: Grief and an unexpected twist

**OK, I've had a lot of queries about people who are confused about stuff I mentioned in the last chapter. Let me clear this up. The magazine photograph was based on something I read on Wikipedia:**

"The article ends with a description of a monument to the Time War on a distant planet, upon which, under an image of a lone survivor walking away, the message "You are not alone" has been scratched, perhaps indicating that the Doctor was not the sole survivor of the conflict."

**It's referring to an article in the Doctor Who Annual 2006, which I don't own, so I would be grateful if anybody could confirm that article's existence for me. Anyway, for those of you who didn't quite comprehend, that's what the Doctor's assistant was talking about, and she stomped off because he accidentally called her Susan (at least one reader didn't spot he'd done so! XD He did!). **

**Also, people keep pestering me as to the name of the assistant. Patience! All will be revealed in two chapter's time!!!**

**In the meantime, enjoy!**

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The Doctor waited patiently inside the TARDIS for her to return. He wasn't prepared to leave the TARDIS in the hands of a young girl. The past two times he'd done that, things could have gone better. He sighed. She couldn't be too long now, surely. It was seventies Scotland, for goodness' sake. It was hardly the most happening era of time.

Minutes ticked past, then hours. He was beginning to worry. What if she didn't come back? He knew he shouldn't have said what he did, but you couldn't take back words any more than you could actions. He sighed again, more deeply than before.

"Doctor?" came a voice. He looked up expectantly, and for a second he almost thought she had come back. But it was just the human girl named Susan, wearing her clothes. She must have noticed his expression, as she suddenly looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry. It's…it's what she said to…to wear." The girl seemed intimidated by this tall man standing over her. "My other clothes were a bit…a bit dirty." She had faltered, unable to mention either blood or death.

The girl looked odd, standing there with her curly hair in a seventies bob, wearing khaki combats and a white T-shirt. The Doctor blinked. He was sure that was what his assistant had been wearing when she stormed outside. Maybe she had identical outfits? He shook his head to clear it. The girl glanced around the TARDIS, then up at the Doctor. "Where are we? What happened to the other girl?"

"This is the TARDIS," he replied. "And my friend's just gone out for a walk. She'll be back soon." He found that he couldn't bring himself to say that they had had an argument. It made it sound too final.

Susan nodded, her brown curls bouncing up and down. She noticed his outfit for the first time. It was made up of a red jumper with a yellow star on it, a pair of grey trousers that were several inches too short (although he was so tall this was not particularly surprising) and what appeared to be rainbow-coloured socks. She had never seen a stranger collection of clothing. "Is this a dream?" she asked the Doctor. "Only you're wearing rather odd clothes. And this entire place seems rather odd. Is it…bigger on the inside?" She frowned. "And I had the oddest feeling when I woke up, like someone had died."

The Doctor shook his head. "This isn't a dream, Susan. I'm sorry. Your family's…dead." He shuddered slightly as he spoke the last word, aware of how much pain it would cause her.

Tears started streaming down the girl's cheeks as the past few hours floated back into her memory. "Why did Grandpa run in front of the gunman?" she sobbed. "And mother, too! They died because of me! They didn't deserve to die! They're gone, and it's all my fault!" She sounded hysterical.

The Doctor moved forwards and enveloped her in a hug. "They didn't die because of you. They died for you. There's a difference." He choked on his words. "They gave their lives protecting the little girl that they loved." She cried into his jumper, dousing it in her tears.

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The Doctor's assistant moved sullenly through the streets. Despite her moodiness, she couldn't help but marvel at the little town scene unfolding around her. It was starting to snow, and the roads were sprinkled with small white flakes. The weather was still fairly mild, though, so she didn't yet regret leaving her jacket in the TARDIS. A village market was in full swing despite the snow and darkness. Young children were sharing toffee apples, adults were haggling over little trinkets, and merchants were advertising their goods at the tops of their voices.

This was amazing. This was what she had left home for – to experience everything she had missed on that wonderful planet called Earth. No matter how many enchanting stories the Doctor told her about Gallifrey, Earth was the top planet on her list.

She glanced at her watch. "Cripes!" she muttered. It was nearing midnight. She turned on her heel and started back towards the TARDIS. As she did so, she bumped into a gentleman heading in the opposite direction. "I'm sorry!" she apologised at once.

He turned to face her. "Where's the Doctor?"

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**I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry! That was such an evil cliffie! I also apologise because I probably won't be updating for a while. I don't get online too much on weekdays. Plus I don't ACTUALLY know where this story is going. That probably sounds a bit weird considering I'm the author, but my characters do whatever they feel like, regardless of what I say. So, I leave you on that evil cliffie. Farewell!**


	5. Chapter 5: An old friend appears

**OK, so I lied. I'm gonna update now. Firstly because people keep pestering me, secondly because I've gotten a few more reviews, and thirdly because I was pushed off the first page of Doctor Who fanfics. The more people review, the faster I shall update. On average, I'm hoping to get out a chapter every day, two a day on weekends. **

**About this chapter...House Fly is a private joke between my friend and I. However, for all intents and purposes, she's just another villain. She's appeared before, I just haven't typed up that episode (it being too jokey at the moment, and involving Gallifrey in an alternate universe being squashed. Don't. Even. Ask. We were bored during PE) yet. More will be revealed about House Fly in the next chapter, as the Doctor's assistant doesn't know any more than you do. In fact, less.**

**Ah, yes. The assistant. I promised her name would be revealed in the next chapter, did I not? Well, it will be. However, she's given a nickname in this chapter, so I shan't be constantly referring to her as 'the assistant' any more. That's something, at least. Not much of a cliffie on this chapter, it was just getting too long, so I cut it off there.**

**Once more, enjoy!**

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"A…a doctor? I think there's a medical clinic just down the road from here," she stuttered, hoping desperately that was the kind of doctor the man was after. 

It wasn't. "Not a doctor, THE Doctor!" the man yelled angrily, gripping her shoulders tightly so that she could not escape. "Where is he?" he demanded.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" she bluffed. "Let me go, or I'll call the police!"

The man paused. "Yes. That will do nicely. Let's go to the police, shall we?" He leered down at her and pushed her forwards.

The girl walked as slowly as she could, trying to formulate a plan as she went. Whoever this man was, he knew about the Doctor and, presumably, the TARDIS as well. She gulped. He had still not let go of her shoulder, and he was pushing her harder now. "Hurry up," he growled. She walked slightly faster. There was nothing else for it. She would have to lead him to the TARDIS.

They turned a corner. Almost there now. What would she tell the Doctor? Would he still be angry at her for that argument? It was less than a minute before the familiar blue police box came into view. The man bent down, his fingers still digging into her shoulders. "Well done," he whispered nastily in her ear. His breath stank of mould. "Now, you're going to knock on the door and ask the Doctor to come out. Tell him anything else and I'll shoot you." Something cold and metallic pressed on the side of her head. She nodded.

Slowly, she trudged towards the TARDIS, the man still behind her. For a second, she hesitated. The man glared and waved at her with the gun. Her heart racing, she knocked on the door. "Doctor? It's me. Can you, um, come out a second?"

A head of ginger hair poked out of the TARDIS. "What is it--" He stopped short as he noticed the gun pressed to her head. "Ah. I see." He sighed. "Hands up, I'm guessing?"

The man nodded. He took a step back to extend the gun's range to the ginger man, and turned to the girl. "I said to get the Doctor," he said menacingly.

The ginger man waved one of his raised hands. "Hi, yes. That…that would be me." He closed the door of the TARDIS with his foot. He didn't really want Susan getting caught up in this.

The man with the gun stared at him. "But you're--"

"Hive suggests regeneration," another voice interrupted. It was undoubtedly female, with a small lisp, and appeared to be coming from the man's shirt collar.

The Doctor's face broke into a grin. "House Fly! How are you?"

Something small flew towards the Doctor with a buzz. "Fine thank you, Doctor. I am immune to pesticides."

"Are you really? I'll have to try swatting next time." (1)

The fly gave what sounded suspiciously like a 'harrumph'. "Doctor. You are being held at gunpoint. I assure you should you make any attempt to destroy me, you yourself shall be destroyed. You have run out of regenerations, have you not?" The Doctor was silent. "As I thought. Tell me, Doctor. Who is your companion?"

His assistant gave a small smirk. "I'm the Librarian."

The Doctor elbowed her. "We've already been through this. You can't have a job title as your name, it detracts from _my _mystery. So unless you decide on something else pretty quickly, I'll just have to tell them your real--"

"Twitch will be fine," the girl cut across. "Twitch Endelbeyar." She glared at the Doctor, as if reprimanding him for even daring to reveal her true first name. (2)

"Hive suggests the girl is Collyrian, Doctor. True?" House Fly asked. (3)

The Doctor gave a small shrug. "Half. Does it matter?"

"Hive expresses surprise. Hive suggests first non-human companion. True?"

"Hive is incorrect, then," the Doctor replied with a grin. "There was Susan, my granddaughter, for one. Then Romana, Nyssa, Adric, Kamelion, Turlough…And there was that penguin for a brief period of time, too."

Twitch stared at him. "Twitch expresses surprise, Doctor," she said, imitating House Fly. "Penguin?"

The Doctor nodded. "Only for a few minutes, though. Worst assistant I ever had." He turned to face House Fly, who was hovering in midair. "But I see you've found an assistant as well. Who's this?"

"Assistant, Doctor? No. House Fly needs only Hive. This is just one of my minions."

"Minions?" The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "Somebody's moved up the ladder of power. Last time we met, you were a minion yourself. But what is he, exactly? He's not human, I can tell that much."

Twitch frowned at the man with the gun. He seemed human enough to her. Then, she probably looked fairly human, too.

House Fly gave a buzz. "He is a Selkie." (4)

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**(1) - The last time the Doctor and House Fly met, the Doctor attempted to exterminate her via use of pesticide. Evidently, it didn't work.**

**(2) - Twitch despises her first name. I'm not telling you it just yet. It's a human name, but that's not why she hates it. In fact, she positively loves human things (see below). **

**(3) - This is confirmed in the first episode that Twitch appears in. She's not from Earth, hence her fascination with the planet. She goes with the Doctor to see the homeplanet of her mother, and to extend her research on the universe. Also, 'Hive', whom House Fly constantly refers to, is a Hivemind, in case you hadn't guessed. Strangely, House Fly acts separately from the rest under Hive's command. **

**(4) - Selkie, Selky, Silkie. Creature from Scottish folklore. Go look it up if you don't know what I'm on about.**


	6. Chapter 6: A lesson in Scottish lore

**I'm sorrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!! wails I know I promised, but my mum kicked me off the computer as I was trying to update because she wanted to assemble a new computer desk. TT As I said, I'm sorry. I'll write five chapters this weekend to make up. **

**Anywho, Calla Ravenheart, a regular reviewer, has very kindly been pointing out errors in my writing, and so chapters 1 and 3 are now showing revised editions! woo! Revised Editions! Ummm...yeah. Basically, much thanks goes to her, and also to NLAOTIC Psychotic for confirming the existence of the article previously mentioned. **

**I'm so stuck with storylines that there might not be an update tomorrow. However, I shall do my best.**

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Realisation dawned on the Doctor's face. "Ah, I see. A Scottish monster in Scotland. Only 2 out of 10 for originality, I'm afraid. In fact, the only way to get a lower mark would've been to have the Loch Ness Monster, but I hear she doesn't cope too well on land." 

Twitch looked up at him, ignoring the Loch Ness Monster remark. "What on Earth is a Selkie?" she asked, glancing at the man with a gun. He didn't look much like a monster to her.

"Selkies are creatures from Scottish folklore. They have seal skins which they can take off to become humanoid. Nasty bite," the Doctor commented.

House Fly buzzed. "Very well done, Doctor. Hive is impressed by your knowledge."

The Doctor shrugged. "Well, after you've travelled the universe for 900 or so years, you tend to learn a bit." He smiled. "But I'm assuming there's a point to you aiming a gun at my head?"

House Fly hovered up and down. Twitch took a moment to realise the insect was attempting to nod. "Your assumption is correct, Doctor. Should you attempt to disobey me orders, you will--"

"Be shot?" the Doctor cut across. "I kind of guessed that. Not big on the originality front, are you?"

"SILENCE!" House Fly shouted. "You are ordered to empty your pockets, Doctor!"

The Doctor sighed. "Is that it? Not much of a master plan, I must say." Nevertheless, he started pulling various items out of his trouser pockets. "Piece of string, couple of batteries, some fluff…and an old tape recorder. Happy?"

"Hive suggests the Doctor is in possession of a sonic screwdriver. Correct?" House Fly demanded.

With another sigh, the Doctor reached once more into his pockets and retrieved the small device. "Worth a try," he muttered, bending down and placing the screwdriver on the ground beside the other objects.

House Fly flew back to the Selkie's collar. "Very good, Doctor. Now, the Collyrian." Twitch suddenly felt as though House Fly was watching her specifically, despite the compound eyes outwardly taking in everything. "The Collyrian is ordered to enter the blue box and retrieve the human."

The Doctor spoke before Twitch had a chance to move. "And if she doesn't?" he asked. He had no wish to involve Susan in this.

"You will be shot. Hive suggests the Collyrian would find this distressing," House Fly replied.

Twitch swallowed the bile that was rising in her throat, and moved towards the TARDIS. "I'm sorry," she whispered as she passed the Doctor. He smiled at her, assuring her with that one gesture that everything would turn out fine. She disappeared through the blue doors, hoping desperately that he was right.


	7. Chapter 7: The Master Plan

**There. I updated. Happy now? No, probably not. My writing is getting progressively worse. I'm still not quite sure where this plot is going, but I can promise you the following will take place in the next few chapters:**

**1) A MAJOR catfight between Twitch and Susan**

**2) The Doctor having some fun with his sonic screwdriver**

**3) A teddy bear will be held for ransom (but whose is it? well, I think we all know)**

**So, you have all that to look forward to. In the meantime, you can read this £$"&. As usual, the more you review, the faster I update. This time up for grabs is a pancake to the first reviewer. But not just any pancake, oh no. This pancake is cooked using a sonic screwdriver and a metal plate. May contain traces of teddy bear. **

**I'm, um, going to leave now.**

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Twitch entered the TARDIS hesitantly. As much faith as she normally had in the Doctor, even she doubted he had a plan this time. No matter how many reassuring gestures he gave her.

She would only have a few minutes at most, she guessed. A few minutes to find Susan, think of a plan, and execute said plan. Talk about timing.

She hurried into the next room, finding Susan asleep on the bed. "Great," Twitch muttered. "Just great." Fortunately, Susan was easier to wake than she first thought, and she was sitting bolt upright in under a minute.

"What's going on?" she murmured sleepily. "Where's that…that man?"

Twitch sighed. "The Doctor's outside. He's in your trouble, and I need your help to rescue him." Susan stared blankly at her. "Look, just listen and do what I tell you!" Twitch snapped. Didn't the girl realise there wasn't much time left?

Susan looked affronted. "Don't speak to me like that! Why should I obey you? I don't even know who you are!" she exclaimed.

"I'm the Doctor's assistant. My name is Meggie but I hate my name, most people call me Twitch instead. I'm half human, half Collyrian, yes, I'm an alien, deal with it, it's not important right now!" Twitch uttered, as quickly as was possible. Susan just sat and stared at her, speechless after this outburst.

Twitch frowned, pacing the room anxiously. She was just a researcher. She wasn't meant to devise rescue plans. That was the Doctor's job, not hers. She stopped pacing, and breathed in deeply.

Suddenly, an idea struck her. House Fly had seemed overly bothered about the sonic screwdriver. Of course! The sounds that thing could produce were probably deafening to insects! Twitch turned to the girl sitting in front of her. "Susan, what makes a lot of noise?"

The human girl looked up at her nervously, sensing Twitch's panic. "Oh, um…music?"

Twitch grinned at her before rushing towards her own bedroom. Susan hesitated before following her in. With renewed energy, Twitch folded her bed back into the wall, revealing stacks upon stacks of books that had previously been hidden underneath. Anxiously, she scanned the titles and pulled out two large hardbacks from the collection. Susan glanced at the titles – _Strange Scottish Tales_ and _Mythical Beasts of Earth_.

Twitch started flipping through the first book so quickly that Susan was almost positive she wasn't reading it. Not even people with a photographic memory could read that quickly. "What are you--" she started to ask, but her words were cut short by the volume being discarded perilously close to her left foot. She was glad it had missed; it looked rather heavy.

Desperately, Twitch flipped to the index of the second hardback. "S," she muttered, reading out various entries, "sea monkeys, sea monsters, sirens…" She suddenly realised she had gone too far, and backtracked a bit. She gave a small whoop of joy as she found the entry she had been looking for, and hurriedly turned to the correct page number. Her eyes darted across the page, taking in any relevant information. "Aha!" she cried, tracing the last sentence with her finger. "Selkies will obey whoever has possession of their seal-skin," she proclaimed excitedly. "Susan, we did it! I have all the information! I know how to rescue the Doctor!"

Susan hesitated before smiling weakly. "So, what do you need me to do?" she asked humbly.

Twitch shot her a mischievous grin. "Find a hiding place, any hiding place…"


	8. Chapter 8: Rescue

**And here we have yet another update. They'll be coming thick and fast now it's the weekend. I promised you five but it's more likely to be seven or eight. I doubt you'll complain. **

**And so, to the story.**

* * *

Twitch pulled the doors of the TARDIS open and stepped outside. House Fly, the Selkie and the Doctor were all facing each other, but not a word was said between them. Suddenly, House Fly noticed her standing in the doorway. "Where is the girl named Susan?" House Fly demanded.

Show time. Tears started streaming down Twitch's cheeks. "I don't know," she sobbed. "I've looked everywhere, and I can't find her, I think she's hiding. Please don't kill the Doctor!"

House Fly flew towards the Doctor. "Hive suggests the Doctor knows his ship inside out. True?"

Seeing Twitch wink conspiratorially at him, the Doctor nodded. "I know her fairly well, yes," he conceded.

"Very good, Doctor. You will enter the ship and find the girl. Selkie will go with you. Attempt to fly away and you will be--"

"Shot," the Doctor finished. "I guessed." He entered the TARDIS, winking back at Twitch as he passed. Selkie followed a few steps behind him, keeping the gun pointed at the Doctor's head. The doors closed behind them.

Outside, Twitch attempted to start a conversation with House Fly. "So, what kind of music do you like?" she asked.

"Hive suggests the Collyrian is referring to the noise listened to by humans, which I hate. True?"

Twitch nodded. "I guess we don't have much in common, then. See, I like really LOUD music." As she said the penultimate word, she turned the volume on her mp3 player as loud as it would go. It was near deafening for her, let alone House Fly. The insect fell to the floor with a weak buzz.

Twitch let the music continue for a few more seconds just to be sure, then turned it off. Smiling at a job well done, she entered the TARDIS, where Susan and the Doctor were standing over the unconscious Selkie. Susan was gripping a saucepan rather tightly with both her hands.

The Doctor looked up as Twitch came into the room. "Probably not the plan I would have come up with, but an effective one nevertheless. I suppose I owe you both my thanks." He grinned. "Incidentally, what happened to House Fly?"

Twitch shrugged. "She's lying unconscious on the pavement outside. Now might be a good time to use that swatter," she prompted.

The Doctor ruffled her hair. "Nah. She'll only live for a few days more, anyway. Dipterans have a fairly short lifespan. I suppose she just wanted to finish me off before she went." He sighed. Susan quietly left the room, feeling a bit confused about everything that had happened in the past few days.

"So. Adventure over," Twitch stated. "Well, not quite. We still have Susan and an unconscious Selkie onboard."

"Well, the Selkie we can abandon by the seaside. If he knows where his sealskin is, he'll be fine. House Fly can't control him anymore anyway, she's too weak. And besides, if he doesn't find it, he'll just have to live as an ordinary human. Shouldn't be too bad."

Twitch looked up at the Doctor. "And Susan?"

The Doctor thought of the human girl, clutching her saucepan, and smiled. She could be a pretty brave fighter when it came to it. "You know, her family's been killed. She doesn't really have anywhere to go."

The corner of Twitch's lips curled upwards in a half-smile. "Am I to take it that the TARDIS is going to have three passengers, then?"

The Doctor nodded. "Not a problem, is it?"

Twitch shook her head. "Of course not. If we're being honest, I'm glad there's someone on board that I can have an intelligent conversation with." She grinned.

"I beg your pardon?" the Doctor replied in mock incredulity. "I think you'll find I'm the superior being here in terms of intelligence."

Twitch scoffed, "You wish, Doctor. Fact is, women are more intelligent, regardless of race."

"Nope. Time Lords are superior, sorry."

Twitch smirked. "Not at table tennis, you're not."

The Doctor frowned at her in confusion. "I beg your pardon?"

"Intergalactic table tennis tournament a thousand years ago. Gallifrey lost to Collyria. We kicked your butt, Doctor."

"What on Earth has table tennis got to do with intelligence? And besides, you lost the final against the Slitheen, for goodness' sake!"

"Is it my fault they're brilliant at table tennis?" she demanded, scowling. The Doctor caught sight of her expression and cracked up into hysterics.

Just then, Susan walked into the room. "Why are you laughing?" she asked, innocence playing on her delicate features.

The Doctor wiped the tears from his eyes. "Nothing much." He paused for a moment to calm himself down, then grinned at her. "So, Susan. How would you like to travel time and space with us?"

"Oh, um…err…" Susan stuttered, caught by surprise. "I'd love to!" she burst out. "Wait…this ship does time as well?"

Twitch nodded. "Sure does. Her name's the TARDIS. It stands for Time And Relative Dimensions in Space. If she didn't do time, she'd only be a RDIS, wouldn't it?"

"I…guess," Susan admitted.

The Doctor beamed at the two of the,. "Right, then. Are we all set for Cornwall?"

Twitch frowned. "Err…why Cornwall, Doctor?"

"Oh, I like Cornwall. It has a seaside where we can leave the Selkie. And anyway, I figured we needed a bit of a holiday for a while. Complaining?"

"Not at all," the two girls replied simultaneously. They glanced at each other and giggled, something neither had done for a long time.

The Doctor shook his head and moved over to the central console, where he began pushing buttons and pulling levers once more.

**END OF PART ONE**

* * *

**I can hear you from here - "What? End? No WAY!"**

**I completely agree. Don't worry. The ginger Doctor isn't leaving that easily. I have to keep him running for two or three seasons until I can suitably kill him off without getting sued. Actually, make that TEN seasons. At least.**

**So, here is what's happening. This is the end of part one, and although the adventure's finished, the story hasn't. It will continue in a series of epilogue chapters following their adventures in Cornwall. **

**Another episode will then start up after this epilogue, and so on and so on. Until I get bored, which I doubt I will do. The only stuff I have to do is coursework, which is way more boring.**

**Until next episode, then! **


	9. Epilogue Chapter 1

It was a cold and breezy morning, with few people on the beach. Thus, no-one noticed when a large blue police box appeared from nowhere amid the sandcastles. The doors opened and a tall ginger man stepped out. He wore a jumper with a large yellow star decorating the otherwise plain red garment, grey trousers that were far too short and showed rainbow-coloured socks, and plain white trainers.

A girl peeked out of the police box. She was wearing comparatively normal clothes, combat trousers and a plain T-shirt. "Doctor?" she called. "You forgot something." The man turned to face her, and she whipped out a stripy scarf from behind her back.

The man's face lit up. "You repaired it!" He was grinning from ear to ear.

The girl blushed, her mousy hair flying everywhere in the wind. "It wasn't that bad. Although I think it might be a bit longer than it was before. Sorry about that."

The Doctor was no longer even listening to her. He quickly threw the scarf around his neck, grabbed hold of the girl's hand and dragged her onto the sand. "Come on!" he cried. "We didn't come to Cornwall for you to sit in the TARDIS all day!"

Sand flew into the air as the girl tripped and fell. She coughed and spluttered as she choked on sand. "Doctor! You can't just leave Susan alone in the TARDIS!"

He looked at her. "Why not? It's not even six o'clock yet, she won't be up for ages. Sleeps in even longer than Rose used to!" He held out a hand and pulled his assistant to her feet. "Come on, Twitch. I am taking you around Cornwall, and there is nothing you can do about it!" he teased.

"I think you'll find there is!" Twitch yelled, freeing her hand from his and running back towards the police box. She reappeared moments later with another girl by her side. This girl had brown curly hair down to her shoulders, and looked as if she had literally just woken up.

She rubbed her eyes sleepily and looked out as the sun rose across the beach. "Where are we?" she yawned.

"Cornwall," Twitch informed her. "The Doctor's trying to make us into a right little pair of tourists," she joked.

"I am not!" the Doctor protested. "I just don't think it's good for either of you to be cooped up all day long. I mean, it wouldn't kill you to come and see the sights –"

"—eat a Cornish pasty or two—"

"—and dance in a nightclub this evening?" the brown-haired girl prompted.

Twitch rolled her eyes. "For the last time, I don't dance. Never have done."

The Doctor grabbed her hand. "Ah, but what better place to learn than Cornwall?" He paused. "Actually, there are probably a few, but none that we're visiting any time soon, so we'll have to make do." He turned to the brown-haired girl. "Where to first, Susan?"

Susan shrugged. "I honestly don't mind, Doctor. Twitch?"

"A library?" Twitch piped up hopefully.

The Doctor gave her a stern glance. "No. No books, no research, no work. Just fun all day long."

Twitch sighed. "That's mean," she groaned. "Fine, how about… the Eden Project? That's nearby."

Susan looked at her friend. "What's the Eden Project?" she asked curiously.

"It's a giant structure made up of bio domes. There are a lot of plants there, some that normally only grow in tropical climates, that sort of thing," Twitch explained. Although this was only 30 years away from Susan's original time, things had changed a lot in those three decades.

Susan pulled a face. "Not really my thing. Isn't there anything that you want to do, Doctor?"

The Doctor looked at her. "Yes. I was just waiting to be asked, that's all." He turned to look at them both. "This is the year that Goonhilly Satellite Earth Station introduces its Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence. They don't actually find anything for another century or so, but I'd like to go and look."

"And laugh," Twitch pointed out. "Come on, you ALWAYS laugh whenever we go and see things like this. You think it's funny to see humans struggle to grasp alien concepts," she accused.

"I do not!" the Doctor laughed. "I find it interesting how the human species evolves, OK?" He paused. "So, can we go?"

Twitch reluctantly agreed. "Fine. But afterwards, we are going to have Cornish pasties for lunch."

"And go to the beach in the afternoon and a nightclub in the evening," Susan added.

The Doctor sighed. "Agreed. But I can already tell that we will be completely and totally hung over by tomorrow morning. I've seen you party before, Susan. It never bodes well."

"You just can't handle your drink," Susan replied cheekily.

The Doctor answered her with a hint of arrogance. "I think you'll find I can, thank you very much. I can also fly the TARDIS without either of you, so you might want to watch your words." He smiled at the two of them, taking both their hands and heading down the long and lonely beach that stretched out before them.

"Doctor?" Twitch asked uncertainly. "There's something in the air, isn't there? I can feel it."

"Nah, that's just hundreds of years of industrial smoke. You learn to get used to it. Try and enjoy the day, though. Looks like it'll be sunny."

"What's that got to do with anything?" she asked, slightly dazed.

The Doctor shook his head. "Not enough human blood in you, is there? You, my friend, need to learn to appreciate the importance of a little bit of sunshine. Brightens up the day, doesn't it, Susan?"

Susan nodded. "Although the days here are fairly bright anyway."

Twitch smiled. "Exactly. We don't need sunshine, we have the Doctor!" She skipped along the beach, dragging her friends along with her. The Doctor had to quicken his pace to prevent him falling behind the other two. He had no idea where this bouncy energy in both of them had come from, but it unnerved him.

"Doctor!" A shout interrupted his thoughts. It was Twitch. Having gone too far ahead, she was running back towards him. By the time she reached him, she was breathless. Clearly exercise hadn't been top of her agenda for the past few years, if ever. "Whereabouts is this Goony place?"

The Doctor sighed. "Goonhilly," he corrected. "And I'm no good at giving directions. You'll just have to follow me instead of running off, won't you?"

Twitch pulled her tongue out at him. "Just because you can't catch up, old man, is no reason for me to slow down. Come on, Susan!" she called to her friend. "Race you to the other end of the beach!" The Doctor watched the two girls running off into the distance and sighed.


	10. Epilogue Chapter 2

"I'm telling you, they aren't meant to discover life on other planets for another century."

"And I'm telling you, it's nothing to worry about. They're always claiming they've got proof of aliens, and they never have," Twitch assured him.

Susan nodded. "She's right, Doctor. I mean, even in my time they were claiming there was life on Mars, but they were always fake photos."

The Doctor didn't reply, but merely bit into his Cornish pasty and chewed it excruciatingly slowly. Twitch leaned over the table and flicked him on the nose. "Earth to Doctor," she remarked upon seeing his odd expression.

He came back to reality with a jerk. "Sorry, what?"

"Susan wants to know when we're going to the beach," Twitch told him.

The Doctor pulled a face. "Do we have to? I mean, can't we investigate just for a _little _while?" he pleaded.

"Nope," the girls chorused. "No books, no research, no work. Just fun all day long." Susan smiled at him. "Sorry, Doctor, but that's what you said. Can't go back on promises, you know."

Twitch grinned. "Come on, Doctor. This is a HOLIDAY. Relax, take a deep breath, and prepare to lose the sandcastle competition." She stood up, swung her satchel over her shoulder and strode out of the sandwich shop.

Susan took the Doctor's hand and led him out of the shop, worried that he might otherwise be too distracted to realise they'd gone. "Cheer up, Doctor. Trust Twitch for once. They haven't found aliens early; there isn't any sort of time anomaly or anything. Just a beautiful, sunny day, and a whole heap of sand waiting for you to make a sandcastle out of it."

Eventually, the Doctor gave in and let the two girls drag him back towards the beach. It was a nice day, he reasoned. There was nothing physically _stopping _him from enjoying himself, after all. Just then, a handful of sand was tipped down his jumper. He gave a shout. "Which of you was that?"

Twitch and Susan giggled and started showering the Doctor in sand. "Stop that!" he yelled, shielding his eyes. His hand disappeared into his pocket and pulled out the sonic screwdriver. "Don't make me use this against you!"

Twitch ran over to the sea with her bucket and returned shortly with it full of water. The Doctor, having cleared his jumper of sand, stood up and pointed the sonic screwdriver at her. "You wouldn't dare," he threatened.

"Oh, wouldn't I? Shows how much you know, Doctor," Twitch replied, throwing the water at his jumper. Susan giggled hysterically as she watched the soaking wet Doctor chase Twitch around the beach, sonic screwdriver still aimed at her.

"Get back here now!" he shouted. "Get back here and take this bucket of wet sand like a Collyrian!"

"No chance, Doctor! Unlike you, I don't take insults to my species personally!" Twitch cried, refilling her bucket of water in the sea and standing her ground. "Admit it! Time Lords just aren't capable of winning a sandcastle competition!"

"Are too!" the Doctor yelled. "You weren't playing fairly! You can't kick the other people's castles down!"

Twitch sighed and readied her bucket. "All's fair in love and sandcastle war!" she exclaimed.

The Doctor grimaced. "Alright, then. If you say so." He aimed the sonic screwdriver at Twitch's sandcastle and watched it melt into the ground.

Twitch watched it melt, her jaw hanging open. She glanced back up at the Doctor. "Oh no, you didn't. You did NOT just defy the laws of physics to melt my sandcastle!" She threw her bucket of water at the Doctor with so much force that he was knocked off his feet and landed in the sea. It probably didn't help that she accidentally let go of the bucket handle at the same time, causing it to hit the Doctor in the face.

He rubbed his nose and winced. That was more painful that he wanted it to be. "You know," he added conversationally, "as sunny as it's been today, this water is freezing cold." He stood up abruptly and wandered back towards the TARDIS.

Susan ran after him. "Doctor? Where are you going?"

He turned to face her, his ginger hair dripping, and wrung out the sleeve of his jumper over her head. "To get a towel, funnily enough."


	11. Epilogue Chapter 3

"How is he?" Susan asked anxiously.

Twitch shrugged. "His nose will be bruised in the morning, but I don't know why he keeps yelling at me. I did him a favour." She saw Susan's curious expression. "I bent his nose back into shape," she explained.

Susan nodded just as the Doctor came into the room. He was still rubbing his nose, but the swelling had gone down a bit. Susan suddenly noticed how odd he looked in a dressing gown. His clothes were drying off by a radiator, and much to the Doctor's annoyance, he couldn't find anything similar in his wardrobe. Instead, he had insisted that he wore his dressing gown until the very moment that his other clothes were dry, at which point he would change straight back into them.

"Right," the Doctor muttered, punching buttons on the central console. "We've left the Selkie unconscious on the beach, the TARDIS is rewired…I _think _we're just about ready to leave."

Twitch eyed him suspiciously. "What are you hiding, Doctor?"

"Hiding? I'm not hiding anything." He raised an eyebrow at her.

"You are quite blatantly hiding something. You wanted to investigate the Goonhilly findings. You never just leave things like that alone. What are you up to?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

The Doctor feigned disbelief. "I'm _shocked_, Twitch. One hundred percent _shocked. _I thought you trusted me?" His face looked so innocent just then that Susan felt a wave of pity for him.

"Not as far as I could poke you with a sonic screwdriver," Twitch replied meanly, stealing one of the Doctor's many odd expressions.

His mouth literally fell open. "I'm offended, really I am." He gave a small sniff. "And after I've taken you through time and space, too…"

Twitch snorted. "Nice try, Doctor, but I saw you try that one on Molly. As I recall, it didn't work on her, either."

The Doctor scowled at her. "You're far too perceptive for your own good. It'll be the death of you one day. And for your information, I am not hiding anything."

"OK then, you've already done something. What've you done?" Her tone was becoming increasingly more curious as the conversation wore on.

"I haven't done anything!" the Doctor protested. "You're imagining things."

Twitch gave a snort of indignation. "I most certainly am not." She moved around the central console, inspecting it closely. "Aha!" she cried, "you've repaired the antifluxsource delimiter!" She pulled a face at him. "Oh, Doctor. You said you weren't going to do any more repairs unless they were necessary!"

"It _was_ necessary!" the Doctor pointed out. "We could run into electromagnetic interference at any time, and we have to be prepared."

Twitch gave a sigh and sat down on the floor of the TARDIS. "If you say so," she muttered under her breath. She had learned long ago that it was pointless trying to convince the Doctor that repairs weren't needed. He might have been a nine hundred year old Time Lord, but sometimes he really did act like a normal human guy. Neither of them seemed to understand that there was only so much necessary DIY around the house (or, in this case, TARDIS).

Susan grinned as she noticed Twitch's expression, and went to sit next to her friend. "Aww, let the baby have his bottle," she whispered. "If he doesn't make daily repairs he sulks like a teenager. Personally, I'd just let him get on with it."

Twitch nodded in silent agreement.


End file.
